Mirror messages

 

Since the day Patty and I were married, we’ve always found a way to send “reminders” to each other when something important is going on in our lives.  We call them “Mirror Messages.”  All you need is some lipstick and a bathroom mirror!  Some people choose to send flowers. Our exchange of choice is the mirror message.  We do the mirror messages when something is hanging over our heads; one of us is out of town for a few days or even sometimes a simple “I love you” mirror message is just a reminder to the other that “Hey!  I love you!”

I thought I’d share these pictures as our most recent mirror message.  These mirror messages started a couple of months ago when Patty initially had the prognosis that the cancer had metastasized and it was “incurable.”  It started with the reminder to Patty that “You and I are a team!”  (this was a reminder that she was not alone in this battle!)  Then the messages morphed on the mirror as we waited for all the  test results.   “Keep it in the boob!”  (That was in hopes that the cancer hadn’t spread.)  Then you see “Lord, we love you and trust in you…”  Then we got the good news that the cancer hadn’t spread and they were treating for cure.  I wrote: “God loves us… and answered our prayers!”  Patty added the “Amen!!”

These mirror messages stayed up at least a month.  They do get in the way at times!  It gets kind of tough to “prep” in the morning before work.

Obviously this is one of my favorites!

There you have it!  Mirror Messages!

Fear

Webster’s Dictionary describes “Fear” as ” an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or the possibility of impending danger.”  This completely describes the emotion we’ve lived for the past several months!  Since the beginning of this mess, Patty has undergone every test imaginable!  Countless blood tests, ultra-sound, biopsy, chest x-rays, PET Scan, CT Scan, Marker scans, Bone scan, Heart scan… I’m sure I’m leaving some out but you get the gist.  The common denominator of all these tests is the waiting time to get the results.  Unfortunately the person administering the test is not a doctor, therefore they cannot tell you the results of the test.  You have to wait to meet with the doctor to hear the good  or unpleasant news.  Of course, the mind is a terrible thing during these “waiting” times!  The mind can be your worst enemy!  Both Patty and I know that, but it’s just a fact! 

Patty had a bone scan this afternoon.  Our Oncologist wasn’t very concerned about the test but said it was more of a formality to take off the “checklist.”  Now, I heard her say that plain as day, but Patty was obviously very concerned that she had to go through another test!  So, she did it and now we’re back in the waiting game!  Our Oncologist is on vacation this week and Patty doesn’t have an appointment with her until next Monday, August 30th.  My guess is we won’t hear a word about it until then!  Having gone through this “waiting” period more than once over the past few months and trying to carry on a normal life during this time is very difficult!  I’m sure when we meet with the oncologist next week, she’ll nonchalantly say: “Oh, by the way, your bone scan came back normal!”  But, that doesn’t help us out over the next 7 days! 

Patty is a very strong woman!  She’s also normal!  I’ve tried putting myself in her shoes, but even then, I know I can’t get close to feeling the fear that she experiences!  We have God in our lives and we’ve got an amazing support system, but fear is an emotion that’s often hard to battle!  Like I’ve said (and you’ve read me say) a million times, dealing with cancer is an emotional vs. intellectual battle… the emotional side generally wins!

Wig shopping!

 

 

(I know this picture has nothing to do with wig shopping… I just like this picture of Patty and our granddaughter, Mia)

Well, since it’s now official that Patty will lose her hair during the chemo process, we decided to be ahead of the game and go wig shopping.  We weren’t sure what to expect since this whole thing is so foreign to us.

We found a place located in Mission Valley called A Greater Hope that was recommended by Scripps .  Patty had an appointment at 11:30.  We both arrived at the same time (we’re such a team!)  Inside we were met a woman, Orfelia, who brought us in a private room.  Patty was a little apprehensive at first, but within a few minutes she was totally into the whole “wig” experience!  It was actually fun!  She tried on a number of wigs for style, then for color.  In no time at all she found the cut that is very similar to her current cut then found the right color.  Wham Bam!  That was too easy!  The wigs are pretty amazing.  They’re so lifelike!  And, they feel so real! 

Orfelia was great.  She deals on a daily basis with cancer patients going through chemo.  She was very understanding, patient and really worked with Patty to feel comfortable with her decision.

Orfelia then brought out accessories!  (I knew this was way to easy!)  The accessories consisted of scarves, wraps, sleeping caps and hats  in every color and print imaginable!  Now Patty was in her element… shopping!  I do have to admit, Patty really isn’t one for wearing hats and scarves, but let me tell you… she looked GREAT!!!  She has such a pretty face that the lack of  hair makes no difference.  In fact there was one look with  a scarf and hat that looked pretty classy and sexy!!!  (Hmmm… maybe this chemo thing may not be so bad after all!)  She ended up picking up a few accessories and that ended our day. 

So, Patty’s going to try to be ahead of this hair loss game.  She’ll make an appointment with Orfelia about ten days after her chemo to have her head shaved and go into her new look!

National City “Relay for Life”

Patty and I attended the National City Relay for Life this past Saturday.  A 24 hour benefit walk for the American Cancer Society.  A friend of mine, who’s mother is a 14 year breast cancer survivor, asked me a couple of weeks ago if Patty would speak at this event and share her experience.  It was funny, when I asked Patty if she would be interested in speaking, she didn’t hesitate in the least.  She immediately answered “absolutely!”  Later she told me: “If I can touch and help even one person, it’s worth it!”  Knowing how much Patty loves public speaking, I was surprised with her quick response!  (I hope you know that I’m being very sarcastic with that comment!) 

We arrived shortly before the opening ceremony which started at 10:00 a.m.  We met up with my friend and her family.  This girl has a huge family.  When I say huge, I mean huge.  Her mother, the 14 year cancer survivor, has something like 12 sisters and 4 or 5 brothers, so when you add in children, cousins, nephews etc, it’s a huge family.  Most of whom were present.  This is a very loving and close family who has been affected by some form of cancer many times over.  Some have survived, but sadly, many have not. 

The opening ceremony was very moving!  A lot of tears shed by many people.  There were several cancer survivors who spoke, telling their story.  It was very inspiring!  From the beginning, I felt this was something that Patty needed to experience, but actually being there and listening to these people speak, I knew it would help Patty.  The opening ceremony ended and the walk began.  The survivors lead the walk, followed by hundreds of people all with a common cause… fellowship, support and encouragement.  (Of course it was also to raise money for cancer research)  It was really a sight to be seen!

This was really quite the event!  Every “team” had a booth set up.  The air was filled with the aroma of  every kind of barbecue you could imagine!  Believe me, there was no shortage of food.  Some families had decorated their booths with posters and photographs of love ones who have lost their lives to cancer.  Other’s had items to raffle, such as Charger season tickets, Coach purses, gift baskets etc, all to raise money for the cause.  Last year this group raised over $82,000 for American Cancer Society!  Their goal was to beat that number this year!

Patty was scheduled to speak at 2:45 that afternoon.  She had given some thought to what she would say earlier in the week, but the juices just weren’t flowing for her.  I think it was Thursday afternoon and she told me: “Ed… I’m just cancered out!  I can’t think about it anymore!”  I didn’t blame her!  We were both pretty much “done” with cancer!  She decided she wouldn’t think about it until sometime that afternoon, then she’d throw something together.  Well as the morning went on and knowing my wife as I do, I could tell she was getting a little tense that she was not prepared to speak in a few hours.  So around 1:00 p.m. we walked off and found a picnic table off to the side so she could gather some thoughts.  It took her about 45 minutes and she had a rough draft on paper.  She read it to me and it was definitely from the heart and very touching. 

My daughter and her husband showed up to the event shortly after 2:00 p.m. to lend Patty their support.  Patty was very appreciative of them being there.  But, the clock was ticking and 2:45 was getting closer… I could see Patty having a little internal stress party going on!  The time finally came and a woman on the stage called Patty’s name and asked her to come up.  Patty walked on stage with me closely behind for support.  (Patty was really concerned that she’d break down crying so we had agreed several days earlier that I’d go up on stage with her and if she couldn’t finish, I’d take over for her.  We’re such a team!)  The woman introduced Patty, handed her the microphone and it was “show time”! 

Patty had her notes in her hand but started off  “shooting from the hip,” not following her notes at all.  I was behind her thinking “Where is she going with this???”  She told the audience about her cancer.  How she was initially mis-diagnosed.  She told the audience to be strong and if you’re not happy with your doctor… find someone else!  It’s ok!  The audience applauded her!  She then talked about the three “F’s”, Faith, Family and Friends!  She told the audience how much God has played a role in our lives!  People again applauded!  She was now on a roll!

Here’s Patty telling the audience that she has such a great husband!  (Go figure!)

She talked over 10 minutes.  In her closing she told the audience with such conviction:  “I may have breast cancer, but I refuse to let the cancer have me!!!  I have grandchildren that will be born in the next few months and I plan on being around to see them grow up!!!”  It was awesome!  People again applauded!  At that moment, I was the proudest husband on the face of the earth!  My wife is going through such a devastating trial right now, but she was so strong and encouraging to others!  I was just so proud!

We walked off the stage and Patty was immediately contacted by a woman.  The woman told her that she was diagnosed last October with breast cancer, she had gone through the chemo and had seven radiation treatments left!  The woman was beautiful!  You wouldn’t never know what she had been through!  Her daughter was with her who I’d guess was 18 years old or so.  The woman told us that her daughter had taken a year off from college to take care of her.  Talking to this woman was very encouraging.  We definitely had a moment!  Other women came up to Patty, gave her hugs and thanked her for telling her story. 

Patty was so pumped up after speaking.  I haven’t seen her feel that good about herself and life in general in a long time!  As much as she hates public speaking, this was a moment we’ll never forget. 

We had been at the event pretty much the entire day and I could see Patty was getting tired.  We said our “goodbyes” to everyone and left.  As we drove home I could tell that Patty was still running off of adrenalin.  She looked at me and said: “I want to speak to more women.  I think I can help them!” 

Get ready… Patty can make a difference to others!

Bring on the chemo!

We met with the oncologist this afternoon.  As with the other doctors at Scripps, we have 110% confidence in her!  From our first meeting, you could tell she was a fighter!  She was very matter of fact with us.  “Due to the aggressiveness of the tumor and the fact it did spread to one lymph node, I want to be aggressive with this and treat it with chemo!”  You know what?  We expected this would be the treatment so there were really no surprises when she made the announcement.  I know my wife and I can honestly say that Patty is truly ready for this fight, mentally as well as physically!  She’s really ok with chemo.  Sure, there’s going to be some side-effects… but she’s ready to take them on!  Just like the t-shirt I had gotten her that reads:  “Hey Cancer!  You picked the wrong broad!”  Cancer really did! 

So… unfortunately Patty has two more “tests” to do before the chemo begins.  A bone scan and some type of heart scan.  I think having the “tests” is bothering her more than the chemo.  But, what can one do?  That just means two more tests and “waiting” for the results!  Waiting is never fun!

Patty will have her first treatment on Tuesday, August 31st.  She’ll have a total of six treatments, three weeks apart.  If everything goes well, which it should, her last treatment will be on her daughter, Nicole’s, birthday on January 4th.  (notice I didn’t say how old Nicole will be!)

Now we get to go wig shopping… hat shopping and scarf shopping!  (God, the things I do for my wife!)  Gotta love her!!!

My observation: The Secret Order of Women!

 I have been exposed to something over the past few weeks that I never imagined existed.  I’m convinced that this strange phenomena has been in existence since the beginning of man of which the male species has been oblivious… it’s what I’ve dubbed the “Secret Order of Women!” 

From a man’s perspective it’s kind of scary but very impressive still the same!  Here’s how the Secret Order of Women works… it’s similar to a multi-level marketing scheme.  One woman finds out about another woman in distress or crisis.  That woman immediately reaches out to the woman in distress, in this case it’s Patty, and offers her sincere love and support.  She then reaches out to a minimum of 4 other women, who, in turn, reach out to Patty and offer their sincere love and support.  Those 4 women then reach out to a minimum of 4 other women etc… You go down three levels of the “chain” and suddenly you’ve got 85 women showing sincere love and support to Patty!  Its awesome!  I’m convinced that getting to the 3rd level doesn’t take more than a day!  Once you pass the 3rd level, do the math, the numbers are insane!  (4th level = 256 women, 5th level = 1026 women)

Men, on the other hand, are not this way.  We hear of another man in crisis or distress and we think “Wow, what a drag… I hope he can work through it!”  A few men may reach out to offer assistance, but not like women.  It’s really an idiotic way of thinking, but unfortunately, that’s just how guys work.  We’re the strong ones!  We’re macho!  We’re men! 

Well, the Secret Order of Women is truly an impressive thing to witness!  Patty has been touched by not only friends and family, but from caring women whom she doesn’t even know.  In addition, she’s talked to breast cancer survivors as well as women going through the fight who have called to not only give her support but also encouragement for her battle.   Patty has told me that the number of women who have called her and provided their support is “humbling.”

Sure, I joke about this, but the bond amongst women is truly amazing!  I’m privileged to be associated (only because I generally answer the phone) with the Secret Order of Women!  The calls etc are greatly appreciated!

So as they say, men are from Mars and women are from Venus!

Friends, Family & Faith

 

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but breast cancer is something Patty and I never thought we’d be dealing with.  As I’ve said before, there was no history of any kind of cancer on Patty’s side of the family.  We’ve never even known anyone who’se had breast cancer.  Breast cancer was an issue that was very very foreign to us.  Now we’re in the middle of it. 

Learning that Patty was diagnosed with breast cancer was very devastating news and it really took a while for both of us to digest this information.  But once it really sinks in, it hit’s you like a Mike Tyson left hook!  “Wham!  This is real!”  Breast cancer has totally consumed both of us.  You literally live it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  As much as you try to put it out of your mind, you can’t.  Sometimes you can put it in the back of your mind during the day, but it always finds a way to creep back into the forefront.  It’s the last thing on your mind when you go to bed.  There are times that it maneuvers into your dreams.  It’s the first thing you think of when you wake up.  It completely consumes all your thoughts and your life.  The “unknown” is the worst.  Not having details just eats away you.  Then top that off waiting for the result of the various tests Patty went through really takes it’s toll. 

So how do you get through this?  You have to take it a day at a time.  Sometimes you have to take it an hour at a time.  One very important thing we learned is you have to stay away from the internet!!!  Nothing good comes out of trying to “self-diagnose  by websites!”  The diagnosing should be left to the doctors!  That’s why they went through many years of training, to provide a proper diagnosis.  Upon learning her diagnosis, Patty (I was guilty also) immediately went to the internet to learn as much as she could about her condition.  What she found was nothing but bad news!  There may have been some promising news squeezed in between the bad, but unfortunately she (we) only saw the bad.  As a result, the internet just terrorized her more.  So, no more internet.  I even threatened to put “parental controls” on our computer so she couldn’t conduct any more searches.   Patty is a very smart woman, but facing breast cancer pushed all common sense aside when she was trying to learn as much as she could about her condition.  It turns into an Emotional vs. Intellectual”  battle.  The emotional side generally wins.  She finally realized what she was doing to herself and has promised to stay off the computer.

I just recently read a journal of a woman who was going through what we’re currently facing.  She wrote:  “There is no way I could have been where I am today without the inclusion of these three “F” words:  Faith, Family and Friends”  This is so true! 

Faith!  It doesnt’ matter what religion, all have some form of God.  Patty and I were both raised in the Catholic faith.  We both believe in God but, like many people, we were a “work in progress” when it came to our faith.  Patty and I have been “talking” about returning to church as it’s been one aspect of our life that’s missing, but we just never made the time.  Always had some excuse not to go.  We have a very close friend named Jayne who is very confident with her faith.  (This picture is Patty and Jayne)  Jayne has told us man times: “You’re talking the talk, but you’re not walking the walk!”  That statement finally made sense to us.  So we’ve turned to God for help.  We’ve always believed in the power of prayer and really gave it the test over the past few months.  Now, we’re firm believers!  I can’t tell you how many people have been praying for Patty.  A small prayer group in Scripps Ranch; the congregation at the Maranatha Chapel; two separate congregations in Northern California; friends, family and countless people we’ve never met, to name a few!  Do  you think it was a coincidence that Patty was initially diagnosed with an incurable cancer then further tests proved that the cancer was contained in her breast and curable???  I don’t think so!  We’ve opened our hearts to the Lord and he answers our prayers!

The other two “F’s”, Friends and Family.  I can’t say enough about friends and family!  There has been so much support for Patty.  And, quite honestly, I really appreciate the help.  As much as I try, I can only do so much.  I’ve realized that I’m not Superman (that was a really hard revelation to admit!).  As much as I want, I can’t do it all.  So this is where family and friends come to play.  Patty LOVES getting phone calls, emails, cards and flowers!  Speaking of cards… our fireplace mantle is covered with them!

There’s 44 cards crammed on the mantle that she’s received over the past few weeks!  Patty cries every time she receives a card!  They’re good tears!  And you know what???  Those cards are not coming down!! 

Thank you so much for  your support!!!

Good appointment today!

This afternoon’s appointment was with the Nurse Practitioner for our surgeon.  Another woman we just love!  They were running about an hour behind so we sat in the waiting room “people watching.”  You really know that you’ve been going to the doctor way too much when the employees start knowing who you are!!!

Two good things came out of today’s appointment. #1:  There is NO cancer in Patty!!!  All of the cancer has been removed!  #2:  Patty will never have to have a mammogram on her left breast for the rest of her life! 

The Nurse Practitioner was amazed at how well the first step in the reconstruction was looking.  She said: “Oh Patty… this looks great!  You’re going to be very happy when it’s done!”  Then she made a comment about what great work the reconstruction doctor does and how she was thinking of having a “lift!”  (Way too much information for me!) 

She did say that most likely Patty will need to go through chemo since there was a lymph node involved, but then again, that will be the call of the oncologist.  So, the next appointment is with the oncologist on Wednesday afternoon.

One in twelve!!!

So here’s the latest…  I ran down to the store a little while ago to pick up some things for dinner!  Patty stayed home with her sister, Kathy.  I was gone about a half hour.  I returned and opened the front door and there was Patty, standing on the other side of the door.  She was doing her “happy dance!”  If you haven’t witnessed the “happy dance” it’s something that you have to see… describing it does the dance no justice!  Anyway, I asked why she was dancing… she replied “One in Twelve!  One in Twelve!”  I had no idea what that meant, then she said: “The doctor just called and said only one out of twelve lymph nodes had cancer!!!” 

This is HUGE news!  This determines how the treatment will go!  This doesn’t change anything about her being in a Stage II cancer.  We’re ok with that!  What it DOES mean is that the survival rate for a “One in Twelve” is very high!  And Patty, being the fighter that she is, can kick this cancer’s butt!!!

This is HUGE news!!!

Back in the waiting game…

Ok… so we got through the surgery!  Phew!  Now we’re back in the waiting game to hear the results of the biopsy!  The surgeon told me that the biopsy only determines what kind of treatment Patty will need for the remainder of the fight.  Let’s just pray that other than the one lymph node we know of that had cancer cells, the others are clear.  That would make the treatment phase for Patty much easier.  As Patty said last night: “Either way, it is what it is and I just have to deal with whatever treatment they want me to have!”  Patty really has a good positive attitude which is so important right now.  Like I’ve said so many times before in this blog, she’s still terrified, but she’s also ready to fight.

Patty only spent one night in the hospital and came home on Friday afternoon.  She was in quite a bit of pain Friday night going in to Saturday morning.  Needless to say, we had a long night.  But it was still good to have her home!  Then Saturday afternoon rolled around and suddenly she got her color back and it was very obvious that she had turned the corner!  Since then, she’s been getting  better and stronger every day!  She even had part of a cocktail last night which definitely tells me she’ s on the mend!  I think one thing that has really helped in her recovery is the fact that she’s an avid Jazzerciser!  She Jazzercises at least 4 times a week (must be nice to be retired!).  She in really good shape!

Patty’s sister, Kathy, came out from Prescott, Az, to give us a hand this week!  She’s been such a huge help!  “Alone time” has not been a good time for Patty.  This is when her mind wonders and she get’s scared.  Kathy is keeping her busy, and in doing so, she’s keeping those “demon’s” at bay!!!  Thanks Kathy!

So… Patty’s next doctor’s appointment is Monday, 8/9, sometime in the afternoon.  Hopefully we get good news!

She had the surgery!

Look at that girl!  The love of my life!  Who would ever think that something like cancer would have attacked her.  Like I said in an earlier post… breast cancer can pick anyone as their victim!

OK… so, the surgery was scheduled and we counted down the days until it would happen!  I just kept thinking… “She’s being treated for cure!!!”  That sounded so much better than the earlier prognosis!  Patty had a few meltdown’s on the days before the surgery… she’s still terrified and she’s also doing the “what if’s?”  “What if…. it spread?  What if… they find it’s in the lymph nodes?”  Hey, I don’t blam her for thinking about those things.  (OK… I’ll admit, those “what if’s” crossed my minds also!) 

So the day finally came… Thursday, July 29th!  The day the cancer comes out and the cure begins!  Patty slept really well the night before!  I was surprised but she really did.  I was the one who woke up at midnight thinking it was time to get up.  I also woke up at 4 a.m. and layed there in the dark and couldn’t get back to sleep.  So I got up at 4:30 a.m. and started my day.  Patty actually got up around 7 a.m.  We had to be at the hospital at 9 a.m. and surgery was scheduled for 12:30 p.m.

We got to the hospital a little before 9:00 a.m.  They took us into a “pre-op” room shortly thereafter.  The room was really small, but the setup is great.  It’s just a room to hang out in before surgery.  They wanted Patty there early so they could inject some type of radioactive dye into her breast that would allow the surgeon to see exactly where the cancer was located and be assured she got it all out!  (that’s pretty important!)  Patty had the injection around 10 a.m. which took maybe 20 minutes.  She came back in the pre-op room and we just hung out waiting for surgery time.  Nicole (Patty’s daughter) showed up around 10:30 a.m. and helped me kill time and keep Patty busy until surgery time.  I could feel the anxiety in the room watching the clock tick, tick, tick to 12:30.  I know Nicole felt it also but she was a trooper and wanted to keep her mother’s mind off of things so she (who is 7 months pregnant) told us stories about her birthing class and how she was worried about her maternal instincts kicking in!  She had us laughing about  how her gag reflex would most likely kick in when her baby has “ugly/stinky poo!”  Well, it turned out that the surgeon was at another clinic that morning and was running late!  The scheduled 12:30 surgery was more like 1:15!  But we patiently waited.  She showed up a little after 1:00 p.m.  She was just her happy self as usual!  She was just what Patty needed to see.  I could see her anxiety level drop the second the doctor walked in.  So, it was time to go… I gave Patty a kiss and she walked off with the doctor.  Before she left, the surgeon told me that her part of the procedure would take an hour to and hour and a half to complete then the reconstruction surgeon would come in and that would take another hour and a half.  She said she’d meet me in the waiting room.  So I walked over to the waiting area and did what I was supposed to do… wait!  Damn, that seems like all we’ve done is wait.  But what’s another three hours after the last three months?  My sister, her husband and son came to wait with me, so I wasn’t alone.  But when talking to them, my mind was in the surgery room wondering how things were going.  An hour past… no doctor.  An hour and a half passed… still no doctor.  Ok, so my mind was starting to play games with me… a little.  Of course I was making excused in my head why the surgeon wasn’t out yet.  Now two hours had passed… no doctor.  Ok, I’m really starting to freak out.  I’m normally not like that… but this was my wife, my best friend in the surgery room having a mastectomy!  I wasn’t feeling good about this.  I tried having a “normal” conversation with my sister, but looking back right now… I have no idea what I talked to them about.  About two and a half hours into the surgery, the surgeon came walking down the hallway.  She looked at me and apologized for the time but she said she was stuck waiting for the biopsy results.  She said the surgery went great… they did find one lymph node that had, as she said, “a little cancer” in it.  But the one next to it tested negative.   She also said they biopsied 14 other lymph nodes and wouldn’t have the results for at least another 5 days or so.  Whatever the results of the biopsy are just tell them what treatment Patty will need.  She did say she wouldn’t be surprised if Patty will have to go through chemo or radiation or both.  It was kind of a stupid question I asked, but I asked:  “Will Patty be alright?”  She smiled at me and said: “Patty will be fine.”

“Treating for cure” means more doctor appointments!

Things have been moving so fast since the doctors are now “Treating for Cure!”  We met with two more incredible doctors over the past two weeks!  First was with the surgeon who will remove the cancer. 

Patty and I had an appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday, July 21st.  She is the kind of woman that you just feel comfortable with the moment you meet her.  She’s probably around her 40’s but has a bio that’s a mile long.  She has a great bedside manner and had Patty laughing harder than I’ve seen her laugh since this whole nightmare started!  She explained that she could “try” to do a lumpectomy but felt a mastectomy would be best to minimize reoccurrence.  Patty agreed with her suggestion.  She also suggested that we start the breast reconstruction at the same time as the surgery.  The doctor explained that once she removed the breast she would biopsy some of the lymph nodes in her breast which would determine what type of post operative treatment she would need… chemo… radiation… hormone therapy or a combination of treatments.  She said they’ll biopsy two or three lymph nodes and if they come back positive for cancer they’ll keep biopsying them until they find some that are clear.  Once they find the clear ones, they stop.  Hey, she’s the doctor.  At the end of the appointment, she said if everything works out, she could have the surgery by the end of the following week!  She obviously knew the urgency of this situation we were in, which the doctors at the other hospital failed to see!    (Hmmm.. do I sound bitter?)  It was close to noon and she said: “let me see if I can get a hold of the the reconstruction surgeon and see if he can see you.”  She left the room and came back a couple minutes later saying: “he’s just eating his lunch and I told him to put his lunch down and see you.  So he’s waiting for you right now!”  We thanked her and went downstairs to the reconstruction doctors office.  There he was, standing outside in the reception area waiting for us.  He took us in and conducted an exam with Patty.  He then sat us down and explained how the reconstruction procedure would work.  He was very thorough and made us feel very comfortable.  He then introduced us to his office manager who put things in motion for the surgery.  She coordinated both doctors schedules and whamo… a surgery date of July 29th!  We actually had a surgery date!  You don’t know how much we’ve wanted this date!

What? My Wife has breast cancer???

I wish I would have thought of blogging a couple of months ago, but I don’t really know much about how this works.  We have so many people asking how Patty is doing, I thought I’d give blogging a shot.  Don’t get me wrong, Patty LOVES getting the phone calls, email, cards and flowers, but I just thought if anyone was curious how our “ride” is going, this would be an easy place to get up to speed.   (but again, please don’t stop calling, emailing, sending cards or flowers!) 

To get started, I want you to know what a devastating disease breast cancer is.  Anyone is susceptible to this monster, both women as well as men!  Breast cancer doesn’t care about your race, your age, your religion, your diet, your hair color, your yearly income, your weight or even how much  you exercise.  It even doesn’t matter if you do or don’t have a history of breast cancer in your family… everyone is susceptible to it.  The American Cancer Society’s most recent estimates for breast cancer in the United States  for the year 2010:

• About 207,090 new cases of invasive breast cancer in women
• About 54,010 new cases of carcinoma in situ (CIS) will be found (CIS is non-invasive and is the earliest form of breast cancer).
• About 39,840 deaths from breast cancer (women)

Breast cancer is the most common cancer among women in the United States, other than skin cancer.  The chance of a woman having invasive breast cancer sometime during her life is a little less 1 in 8!   The chance of dying from breast cancer is about 1 in 35. Breast cancer death rates have been going down. This is most likely the result of finding the cancer earlier and better treatment. Right now there are more than 2½ million breast cancer survivors in the United States!!!

I apologize for this first post being so long but to get  you up to speed, I need to digress a couple of months…  

 Back in late April of this year, Patty woke up on a Saturday morning and mentioned to me that her left breast was really sore.  She said: “here, feel this…” pointing to an area on her breast.  Never one to turn down an offer to feel her breast, I gladly obliged.  I felt it and there was definitely a hard lump just under her nipple.  She said it was pretty painful.  I told her that she needed the doctor to take a look at it and the fortunate thing was that she already had an appointment scheduled that following week for an unrelated check-up.  That next week came around and she brought up the “lump” with the doctor who scheduled an ultra-sound for either the following week or the week after that.  (see, this is where I wish I would have started doing this a couple of months ago.)  Anyway, she eventually had the ultra-sound.  I remember coming home from work that evening.  She said she had the ultra-sound but was really concerned by the reaction of the tech doing the test.  She said when the test was completed the “tech” came out and had a very concerned, but caring, look on her face.”  Patty told me “I know that look!  I think I have breast cancer!”  I immediately thought that couldn’t be.  She has no history of cancer in her family and Patty is as healthy as they come!  Come-on, she Jazzercises at least 4 times a week walks often.  I was sure that she was overacting but, in the back of my mind I just prayed that she was wrong!  Now here’s the part that really bugs me (but I won’t dwell on it).  The radiology department at the hospital scheduled her for a biopsy of the suspicious “lump” in her breast, but unfortunately it wasn’t scheduled for another 30 days away!!!  That’s crazy!  We tried getting something earlier but were told that the person who conducts the biopsy only works “part-time” and this was the earliest date we could get!  We asked that if they have any cancellations to please let us know.  Well, let me tell you, that 30 days may as well have been 30 years as the days and hours during that time just dragged by.  It was pretty hard to really enjoy anything during that time as this, as we called it, “black cloud”, was hanging over our heads!  Now we’ll go forward 30 days.  Patty went to her biopsy as scheduled.  June 22, 2010 (I’ll never forget that date!) at about 4:45 p.m. the phone rang.  Patty answered the phone.  Even though I could only hear one side of the conversation, I could see by the look on her face that the contents of the conversation was not good.  She hung up, looked at me and said: “I have breast cancer!”  She started crying, which I’ve learned, there will be a lot of tears in the days to come!  Patty told me that was the doctor’s nurse on the phone.  The nurse didn’t have a lot of information other than the “lump” was malignant and it was a Grade III cancer.  I asked what a “Grade III” meant and she said the nurse didn’t say!  Of course we immediately ran to the internet (which I’ll comment about later) to reasearch a Grade III tumor.  The news wasn’t good as it appears that you have “stages” of cancer as well as a “grade” of cancer.  The “grade” relates to the aggressiveness of the tumor going from a grade I to a grade III.  III being the most aggressive.  The next step was to go back to the doctor and have him make sense of all of this news.  An appointment was set for the following week.  In the meanwhile, our 16th wedding anniversary was that Friday, June 25th.  We had made plans a couple of months before to take a drive to Cambria, CA., and go wine tasting in nearby Paso Robles that weekend.  We almost canceled that trip, but I thought it would be a good idea to go and get our minds off of what was going on.  We had moments where we had fun, but overall that darned “black cloud” was always present.

We met with our family doctor.  He was pleasant and took the time to discuss Patty’s diagnosis.  He referred us to a surgeon to discuss our options going forward.  Hard to recall, but I think the appointment with him was the following week.  Anyway, we met with the surgeon who examined Patty.  He told us that a lumpectomy was not an option due to the location of the tumor.  He said he have to remove the breast (mastectomy) and suggested we meet with a reconstruction surgeon to start the reconstructive process at the time of surgery.  He also suggested that Patty have a double mastectomy so the reconstruction surgeon could easily match both breasts!  (sounds pretty crazy!)  Our appointment ended and he ordered a  PET Scan for early the following week.  He also referred us to a local reconstruction surgeon. 

Patty tried scheduling an appointment with the reconstruction surgeon but was told the earliest she could be seen was two weeks away!  We have already spent since the end of April worrying about this “lump” and waited 30 days for the biopsy as this darned “thing” kept growing inside her.  We just wanted that cancer out of Patty so we could fight this sucker and get our life back to normal.  (We’ve since learned that there will NEVER be a “life back to normal” as we used to know it!)  Without dragging this blog on and on, I’ll just say that as a result, we called the general surgeon and requested that he just perform the mastectomy, get the cancer out of her and we’ll deal with the reconstruction at a later time.  The surgeon was very angry and rude to Patty on the phone and literally hung up on her!  Obviously I wanted to go down to his office and perform a little of my own surgery on him, but being the  responsible adult that I am, that unfortunately wasn’t an option. 

Patty and I were both pretty despondent.  Patty was scared to death and I tried to keep my fears away from her, but she knows me all too well!  Then… God stepped into our lives!  Literally!  Patty called me the following day at work and said she had looked around and wanted to change doctors.  She told me that Scripps Torrey Pines had a whole pavilion that dealt with nothing but breast cancer.  We made a few phone calls to our insurance company and the next thing you know… Patty was a patient at Scripps Torrey Pines with an appointment two days off… July 2nd!  (another date I’ll NEVER forget!) 

Patty and I were both very excited about the change in doctors and were really looking forward to her appointments in the next couple of days!  The 4th of July weekend was almost upon us also and we were looking forward to spending the weekend at her sister Kathy’s house in Prescott, Arizona.  Patty’s son, Nate,  his wife and daughter (our granddaughter), her father and sister were also going to be there that weekend.  That Friday morning we packed up the car and decided we’d go to her appointments then blast off to Prescott from there.   The first appointment was with the Radiation Oncologist.  We met with her, a young woman I’d guess in her early to mid 30’s who had just finished her residency.  She thoroughly examined Patty.  She asked what tests the other doctor has ordered and Patty told her about the PET Scan.  Patty also told her that she had the PET Scan on Tuesday of that week however she had not received the results of that test.  The doctor’s nurse said she’d try to track them down.  We went into the oncologist’s office where she wanted to discuss her role in Patty’s treatment.  We spoke for a few moments and the discussion was very optimistic… maybe no chemo or radiation?  Maybe no mastectomy?  She also guessed that Patty was in a Stage I cancer!!!  This was great news!  There was a knock at her office door and it was her nurse.  She asked that she (the doctor) step out of the room for a moment.  Now, Patty said she knew what was about to come, but I was still too optimistic about the discussion with the doctor to pick up on anything.  Then here came the bombshell from left field that knocked me flat… The oncologist came back into the room.  She didn’t have the smile on her face like she did when she left the room!  She held a report in her hand, sat down at her desk, then moved in close to Patty.  She took Patty’s hand and said: “Patty I have the  PET Scan results… It’s not good news!  The cancer has metastasized to your chest wall.  I’m so sorry.  It’s incurable.  We can’t perform surgery!”  Patty really didn’t react, at least on the outside.  Me, on the other hand… you could have knocked me over with a feather!  “Incurable???  What the heck does that mean???”  My mind raced with thoughts that I never imagined ever having!  I just felt sick.  Believe me when I say this, having been in law enforcement for nearly 25 years, I’ve seen pretty much everything, done pretty much everything and experience pretty much everything.  I was not prepared, nor have I ever experienced, the range of emotions that I felt at that moment!!!  The doctor was very empathetic with both of us.  Patty didn’t cry a teardrop, while I did everything I could to fight them back.  Everything was somewhat of a blur for the next couple of hours, but I do recall the doctor telling us that even though the PET Scan showed that the cancer had metastasized, it still had to be proven.  It wasn’t a done deal yet.  (even though in our eyes, it seemed like a done deal!)  We then went to another office and met with the Surgeon’s Nurse Practitioner.  What an amazing woman!!!  She conducted a quick exam but since surgery at this point was out of the question, it was very brief, however, this woman exuded confidence when she spoke to Patty.  Just before we left her office, she took Patty’s hand and looked her straight in the eye and said: “Patty, I’ve been in this business a long time.  I’ve seen tests like this not be true.  They have to prove to me that it spread.  I won’t believe it until they prove it!  I’ve seen this too many times and I’m not convinced!”  She kept looking at Patty in the eye as if saying “You need to believe me!”  She then gave Patty a hug and we left.  We were out in the lobby and I told Patty that we were still going to Prescott to be with the family this weekend.  She agreed.

The six-hour drive to Prescott, Arizona, was a long long long quiet drive.  I couldn’t talk without wanting to break down. ( Now remember, my role in all of this was to be as supportive to Patty as I could (and can) and be strong for her. )  Patty received a couple of phone calls during our drive, one from her Nurse Advocate at Scripps who had just heard the news and another from her daughter, Nicole, who wanted to know how her appointments went.  I don’t know how Patty did it, but she told Nicole the devastating news and was as strong as anyone could be.  Poor Nicole was a wreck, but Patty didn’t shed a tear.  Not one.  If it was me, I know I would not have been able to do it.  She then called her son, Nate, and told him the news.  She also said she wanted to talk about the diagnosis now and not dwell on it over the weekend.

We finally made it to Kathy’s house.  I knew once we walked in, that this was the best place for Patty to be, with family.  Come on, can anyone be more supportive than family?  The weekend was fun and yes, the black cloud was there, but it being 4th of July weekend kept us busy.  Also, when Nate and his family got there, our granddaughter, Mia, kept Grandma Patty really busy.  Patty and Mia have a very special bond.  It’s really fun to see the two of them together.

We did learn that weekend that bedtime for Patty is a very bad time.  Darkness of night is not good.  This is when her fears set in.  She was, and still is, terrified!  Facing death is something that none of us will understand until it’s you facing it.  I can only imagine how it must feel, but I’m sure for Patty it was what I was feeling times 1000!   I felt so bad because I couldn’t fix this one!  All I could do was hold on to her and try to give her as much comfort as I could. 

Well, we made it through the weekend and the next 12 days were filled with more appointments, more blood tests, chest x-rays and a CT Scan.  We met with more incredible doctors all of whom are very experienced in their field!  The final appointment was on Monday, July 12th, with a pulmonary specialist.  A very gentle older man, somewhere in his late 60’s.  He conducted his exam and told us that looking at all the test results it didn’t make any sense that the cancer could have metastasized to her chest wall.  He said “Cancer doesn’t spread that way!”  (by the way, this was the common theme of ALL the doctors who examined Patty)  But, the telling tale would come in the next couple of days as Patty had a CT Scan scheduled the following afternoon.  The doctor asked that Patty call him on Wednesday morning and he’d have  the results of the scan.  She went through the CT Scan procedure as scheduled.

It was Wednesday, July 14th, another day I’ll never forget!  Knowing that the doctor asked patty to call that morning, I got home around 10:30.  Patty was at her Jazzercise class and got home shortly after me.  I asked her to call but she was being a little stubborn and wanted to clean up first.  (ARGH… women!)  It was just after 11 a.m. and I finally convinced Patty to call.  Just before she called, I took her hands and prayed out loud with her that the news be good.  (I’ll talk about the Power or Prayer in another posting)  We were both very nervous about what news we’d get, but Patty reluctantly made the call.  She was on the phone for about a minute then hung up.  She looked at me and said: “The doctor is out of the office this morning and won’t be back until later today.”  WHAT????  He can’t do that!!!  Well, I guess “It is what it is!”  Patty said there was no way she could hang out at home waiting for his call and suggested (no, actually she told me) we go somewhere for lunch.  Next stop Solana Beach!  We talked as we drove.  At one point Patty told me that she prayed that morning that the doctor just call and leave a message on our recorder.  His message would not be one saying: “Patty this is the doctor, I have the results of the CT Scan, please call me.”  Her prayer was that his message would be: “Patty, this is the doctor.  I have great news!  The CT Scan came back negative.  The cancer did not spread!” 

We ended up at a restaurant on the beach.  What a gorgeous place and a gorgeous day.  It was warm and not a cloud in the sky!  We ate lunch and Patty had a couple glasses of wine while I had a couple beers.  I called our house to check messages at least every 15 minutes but nothing!  We finished lunch around 1:15 p.m. and as we were leaving the restaurant, Patty said she couldn’t home just yet.  Not until we learn of her fate.  We walked next door to another beach front restaurant who had a really awesome outside deck.  We sat on the deck with at least another 20 people and ordered another glass of wine and a beer.  I kept checking messages… nothing!  Then I checked messages around 1:45.   Believe it or not… there was a message!  And, it was a message from the doctor!!!  Patty was talking about something unrelated as I tried listening to the message.  I don’t even think she was aware that I was listening to a message.  The message said: ” “Patty, this is the doctor.  I have great news!  The CT Scan came back negative.  The cancer did not spread!  We’re going to treat you for cure!!!”  This was the exact message Patty had prayed for!  I looked at Patty and excitedly said: “Patty, it the doctor, the cancer didn’t spread!  She looked at me with her big blue eyes and as asked: “What???”  I said: “It’s the doctor… the cancer did not spread!”  Patty let out scream that was like no other!  She hugged me tightly and began to cry tears of happiness!  People around us starred wondering what this whacked out woman was doing!  She even stood up and did her “happy dance” all the while crying tears of joy.  At one point she exclaimed: “I only have breast cancer!”  A woman sitting at the table responded “Oh, I’m so sorry.”  I never thought we’d say this, but we responded: “No… don’t be sorry, its onlybreast cancer!  It didn’t spread!  That’s a good thing!”  Another woman actually came to our table and congratulated Patty for only having breast cancer!  Patty then spent the next 30 minutes calling everyone she knew to tell them the good news!  When we left the restaurant Patty bolted out to the beach thanking God for this little, but for us monumental, miracle!  She’s being “treated for cure!!!”