This past two weeks have been OK. Just OK. My doctor sending my slides off to Indiana for a 2nd opinion was a good thing, right? But when he described my tumor as a “rare” form of cancer, it somewhat took me back as, in my opinion, the word “rare” isn’t good when speaking of cancer. I’d rather have a normal cancer that everyone else has that the doctor’s know how to treat! So… that word “rare” has stuck with me the past two weeks. I was somewhat successful in compartmentalizing this whole thing for two weeks and was able to shove it into a mental filing cabinet not to be opened until today. But as the past two weeks went by, i found myself opening that drawer now and then and that darned word “rare” kept coming out.
So the day was here… today is the day that I was to get the results of the 2nd opinion. I made sure this time to make my appointment as early as I could get and was pretty successful at getting an 8:30 a.m. time. Patty and I showed up on time and the good thing about getting an early appointment is that the doctor hasn’t seen many patients so there’s really no excuse for him to be late. And… he was right on time!!! My doctor came in. As he entered the room I looked at Patty and said “Well, it’s show time!” He shook my hand but had a serious look on his face. Normally he smiles and seems fairly jovial. But today was different. Or… was it me reading too much into this whole thing? Funny how your mind works! Anyway, he did the “good and bad news” thing again. I really need to have a talk with him about that! So… bottom line is that yes… the tumor was cancer. And… yes… it’s a “rare” cancer that they don’t see too often. It’s such a rare cancer that it’s name takes up a total of four words and 43 letters! But, more importantly, he said there were still margins. Margins meaning he wasn’t able to get all the cancer out. He said with the naked eye, it appeared as if he got everything. But, under a microscope there’s still some inside me!!! So, he needs to go back in (more surgery!) and do what he can to remove the rest of the cancer! I really didn’t know what to think when he said this to me and it’s funny how you can go through so much emotion in a fraction of a second. In one sense I was pissed! Really pissed! I was disappointed! I was sad! But, what’s the alternative? Not good! If it’s another surgery, so be it! By the way… there was good news… he’s still pretty confident that if things come back through the pathology of the upcoming surgery, I hopefully won’t need to go through chemo or radiation!
The doctor said I need to recover from the last surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago then we’ll do this next one. He said he’s going to try to schedule it in about 3 to 4 weeks. I can do this!
It’s not my first rodeo!