Patty and I have so much going on! Our biggest focus right now is getting the condo packed up and prepare for the move next Thursday into out new house. We had a pretty big concern thrown at us with the possibility of a Governmental shut down. There was news about FHA loans being put on hold until the Government decides what they’re going to do with the federal budget. (by the way, we have a FHA loan which is supposed to fund next Wednesday!!!) I spoke to our mortgage broker this morning and she assured me that this will not affect our loan and it will be funded on Wednesday as scheduled! Phew!
As Patty and I talked last night I realized that our life is really moving forward after the past year. There were times last year when both of us felt there was really no end in sight. But you know what, there was and there is!
In this “new normal” phase were going through we notice is that cancer is NO LONGER the main topic of discussion. Do you realize how good that feels? Going through Patty’s treatment, cancer was all we could talk about. It totally consumed all phases of our lives! Cancer is still a topic of our discussions, and it comes up in our discussions at least once a day, but it’s just not the main topic anymore.
Patty told me last night that she still gets frightened. If you know Patty, she’s a very strong woman. Very strong. She relayed to me that just the other night after we went to bed, she lay there in the dark and found her mind wandering. She started worrying about the “what if’s?” “What if the cancer comes back?” “What if the ache in my back is cancer?” She said this was not the first time she has been frightened over the past couple of months. She said it happens often. Ironic, but when Patty was first diagnosed and receiving her initial treatments, her worst time was at night… in the dark.
I’ve read that it’s not uncommon for women who have gone through the battle of a life threatening disease, such as cancer, to have reoccurring fears, thoughts and even dreams/nightmares about the disease coming back. The whole experience is still relatively new for Patty. It’s something that will take time. Quiet honestly, I don’t think the fear factor will ever go away, for either of us. This is the reality of dealing with cancer. It never goes away. Sure, some days are easier than others. Patty is going forward with her life. As great as she’s doing, those darned thoughts are still able to creep into the back of her mind. I’m very proud of how strong she is. Cancer is very scary!!!
Overall, Patty is doing great! Her hair is getting thicker and thicker by the day. It’s actually grown to the point where it’s touching her ears! She said she thinks that she’ll stop wearing the wig next week and start going out in public “au natural!” I’m excited for her! She’s on the prowl for a “sassy” hairstyle for really short hair.
Patty is still suffering the side effects of chemo… neuropathy. In a nutshell, neuropathy is nerve damage that can be caused by the chemo that causes numbness and tingling in the hands and feet. It’s like your feet and hands going to sleep 24/7! Patty says it’s painful at times. I can only imagine! The neuropathy started sometime after her 3rd infusion. Patty’s oncologist said the neuropathy goes away with time, but Patty’s not seeing any improvement. She has an appointment with a neurologist next Wednesday. We’re hoping he can help.
We like the “new normal” of cancer not being the focus of our conversations or lives. It never completely disappears. It’s always there as the footnote to each and every day. Some days the topic is more in the forefront than others. Patty still has many future appointments with her oncologist and future tests to take. She still has the reconstruction to go through. I’m sure when we experience those days or weeks, cancer will temporarily take charge of our lives again. But only temporarily.
Right now, we’ll take cancer being in 2nd place in our life!